Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
