see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
its not stalking. its research.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
