woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
