You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
