Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
