Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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