This girl is more easily done than said...
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
