Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
