Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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