That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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