When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
