He uses pillows to masturbate.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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