if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
You need Xanax blowdarts
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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