so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
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