Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
