I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
