Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
