Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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