eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
