Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Randomize
