you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
