I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
