Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.