I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
