she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
