new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
