I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
