Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
