There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
