too bad you live with your parents still
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
