I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
