After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
