Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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