But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
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get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
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YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
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