oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
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i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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