Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize
