this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
