I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
And then the night went full on bisexual.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
