Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
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