Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
3 2 1 whiskey
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
