what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Randomize
