just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
