Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
