I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Also, beer. Big fan.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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