oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
