And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
