Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Watching her eat just hurts me
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
