update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
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