Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
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