my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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