Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
the liver wants what the liver wants
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
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