Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
