70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
