I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Randomize
