If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
