True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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