i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
