So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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