Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
