She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
