how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
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I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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