...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
