it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
