I just cut my nipple shaving
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
