i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
