Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize