I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Randomize
