this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize