we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
