i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
