Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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